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It is starting to get to that point again...that point where I feel like I do nothing but run run run all day long only to come home to a still dirty house, loads of laundry and no time to catch up or to even sit and play with Kendall much. I am doing this training that I really want to do but this week has shown me how much time it is going to take away from me...but it is for 8 weeks and then I should be in terrific shape and will be able to do it on my own...I hope. But it totally takes Tuesday and Thursday away from me. By the time I travel back to Mishawaka and do the training , talk about the diet and then drive home it is time to get Kendall. things need to be fixed at the old house, they need to be maintained, and there just is not time to do it. Closets need to be fixed, furnace filters need to be changed, Christmas stuff needs to be put away or taken to storage , let alone trying to get my living room to look like an actual room again. Not quite sure how to do that. Harry says to just put the Christmas stuff in the middle of the living room until we get it moved. But I don't want to do that, I don't think he understands how women think on that part....I mean that is where people walk in when they come over...they see a room that is empty and not "homey"...and to see a bunch of boxes there...no I don't want that. Plus Kendall and I still stay here most of the week and I want it to be a nice homey feel for her or her friends that come over.
I would really like to spend a weekend day at the old house to get some of the "maintenance " done that needs to be taken care of, but there is so much to do at the other and I know Harry loves it when we can stay there.
I am going to the new house daily to feed and water the chickens, clean up or do what I can or have time for there and then head back to the next destination...The new house is about 15 mins away from the old so round trip to do the chickens is about 45 mins. I go and run any errands or pick things up that are needed at either house then and do any drop offs that need to be done. I am not complaining...this is what my job is it is what I want to do, but just like in any job or responsibility, there comes a time when things just get to you and you feel overwhelmed.
Packing on the weekends to go to the new house, unpacking when we get home, trying to decide where and what to have for dinner and when...all of things things are getting to me this week. I am sure most of it is because it has been a real emotional week for some reason...I have been thinking alot about my mom and what she would do to help me with the whole Kendall situation, plus trying to get in some time to see Harry's daughter...which I have not seen since the Ice Capades almost two weeks ago. WE did meet them for dinner last night, and decided to go to San Fransisco for spring break with both girls. It should be a real fun time and an interesting experience for us all.
Sigh...Next week will be better...this weekend will not be any time to relax though...Hillary is coming home, Kendall has dance on Saturday and we are having friends and family over for the Super Bowl on Sunday, so that means the house needs to be cleaned and food needs to be made, along with Laundry at the new house and not making it a completely working weekend while Hillary is home.
Next week will be better....I won't be so emotional, I hope, and things will seem to go much easier.
Great news today....Hillary will be traveling to Greece this Spring! How incredibly exciting for her. I am so happy she has this opportunity to go and do this. I admire her courage to want to do this. there is no way when i was her age that I would have done anything like this. I didn't even want to go far away to college and ended up attending a college that was 30 mins from my parents home! LOL She is so independent and is not afraid to go and do something like this. I am so proud of that characteristic in her. My mom, bless her heart, would never be encouraging on anything like this. She wanted her kids and family around her and would be so scared if I had gone off and done sometime like this. I remember wanting to go to Iowa for college and she talked me out of that telling me how homesick I would be. I am scared to death of what COULD happen to Hillary over there...but I also realize this is a once in a lifetime opportunity for her. I wish that my mom would have been more encouraging to have me exp0lore our world and and discover other places. It was not because of any type of money issues...it was all my mom. Oh well...I am very proud of Hillary for wanting to do this and to be brave enough to grab this opportunity.
Other note worthy news...I went to a Raw Food Seminar last night. Wow is all I have to say. WOW!!
In general I am a very detail oriented, structured, time sensitive type of person. It is part of my personality and part of what makes me me. I like to know what is going to happen and when. I am all for spontaneity, but I at the same time want to know when we are going somewhere and what time before 15 mins before we are supposed to be there. I think that is one of the hardest things I have had to adjust myself to in this relationship I have now. I like to know what we are doing and when. Harry on the other hand, does things when they come up. I want to know if we are meeting for dinner on a certain night, and he says we will see. OK I am OK with that but in the same respect I cannot be expected to change the way I have been for 40 years. There have been a few times lately that I have felt that my time has not been considered in things that we plan to do...or that we are trying to plan to do. I have issues with that because I feel that my time is just as valuable as everyone elses. I know this is just how things go at times, and I am really OK with that as long as it is not a constant thing that happens all the time. Lately it feels that when it comes to something being planned, especially when it has to do with the kids, I feel that I am being put off til the last minute and left hanging in the air about plans. It is hard for me to function like that. I am just venting here....no big problems or anything, I just needed to get this off of my chest...There I am done.
OK diet...still going good with the nutrisystem. I am not sure if I am losing as fast as I would like to. I am following it pretty much to the T...but there are times I have fudged with things and it is mostly not getting my add in foods in there. It is so easy to just grab a bar and go. Not taking the time to eat the salad and fruit and protein that I am supposed to along with it maybe what is holding me back.
I started hitting the gym hard this week too. I am doing weights Monday, Weds and Fri, and just 30 mins of cardio on Tuesday and Thurs. I upped my weights on Weds because I didn't feel much from my first work out with them...I am feeling it today. It will feel good to get back and stretch everything out again tomorrow. I am really wanting this last few pounds to come off.
Hillary comes home this weekend and so does Harry's oldest. We are all going to Disney on Ice ice Capades on Sunday. Very exciting. This is the first big outing with all of us together. I am super excited about it. also my family is coming over for Hamburger and French fries on Saturday. I am making a broccoli salad that i am planning on eating instead of the fries. Wish me luck! haha
So I am struggling with something. Harry and I try and stay as much as we can at the new house. This is the home he has and that me and the girls will be moving into soon. Hopefully by summer we will be moved in...until that time I am have a hard time trying to keep Kendall grounded. I don't want to confuse her and make her feel unstable or anything. She gets enough of that from Ron.We stay at the new house on weekends. I had decided that we would stay at the old house during the week and that way it would be a regular schedule for her and would provide some stability to her life. Recently we have started staying at the new house on Monday nights....things have come up and when i asked Kendall where she wants to stay she always says the new house. She likes it, has alot of her toys there especially the new ones from Christmas and just in general feels at home there also i think. I THINK. Now when we stay there she has to get up early, and there really isn't another TV for her to watch unless it is a movie since there is only one hooked up to the satellite. it is about a 15-20 min drive to her school so we have to get up earlier and she is always tired in the morning, but she is tired any morning also. Only one time near Christmas did she ever complain and cry and say she just wanted to stay home, but that was a crazy time and we were never at home at either house because we were constantly running. so here is my struggle....Aren't I doing the exact same thing I complain about Ron doing to her? I mean I am moving her alot, having her not know where we are going to be staying, etc? I mean I do not want to be that person in her life. I want to be the stable one. The one thing that is the constant in her life. I feel that in some way I may be failing her by going back and forth with this. Even if she doesn't mind and wants to stay at the new house. I am her parent and I should be making the decision on what is best for her. It doesn't really matter if she wants to or doesn't mind it. does it? I mean I need to provide the protection to her and protect her from this causing future problems with her. that is what I am worried about. I am thinking that maybe the best thing to do is to go back and stay only on the weekends when she is here. During the week we stay at the old house and that is that. It also makes sense to do that because then when we do move in there it will be special and not just oh OK we are now living here. I think it needs to be monumental not just another day another house we are moving to type of thing. I am worried I am confusing her and doing to her what I so hate Ron for doing to her.
So back around Thanksgiving I discovered a great little treat. It is called GG Scandinavian Bran Crispbread. It is truly wonderful. My local grocery store carried it and my hairdresser turned me on to it. It is a very thin cracker type of bread that has only 12 calories per slice, 7 grams of carbs and 5 grams of fiber per slice! Amazing. Now it is a great filler. it fills me up and leaves me satisfied with a great crunch. I put a very very thin spread of Peanut Butter on it and down it goes. Now today I had another appointment with her and I was talking about it because since before Christmas I could no longer find it at any of my local stores. Well....She was having two cases delivered to her at noon and she would sell me a bunch of them. so I bought 10 packages from her and I am back on the bran band wagon! It really does fill you and make you feel satisfied for very little calorie intake. visit their website at www.brancrispbread.com
We went and visited my grandma today. She is 95 years old and is still a spitfire. She was a bit confused at first on who we were and kept losing that thought but talking about memories and things about Kendall she remembered it all. I Am so happy I took Kendall with us. My grandma always called her Wiggles because she watched the show and danced and danced to it all the time when she was younger. Well my grandma got the biggest kick out of that...so from the first time she saw her do that she has always called her wiggles. So she got the biggest kick out of seeing Kendall again and telling her three different times about the time she saw her dance. Kendall was great though and really enjoyed her time with Grandma. My sister and I decided to go and see her once a month. Or at least try to. She was so lonely and happy to have visitors. she wants to look at pictures and was asking for some veggie soup. so we are going to try and go again next month and take that stuff to her. It sucks because i made veggie soup last night and could have very easily taken some up to her. It is an easy trip and can easily be done after school for Kendall.
